FAUX Business Network

The FOX Business Network is covering the rising stock market like it is The Plague.

To address this crisis of rising portfolio value, Cavuto introduced his first guest, that financial oracle, that investment wizard, that translucent orb that burns by night: John Bolton, Sheriff of Nottingham.

It takes more than a market rally to pull the wool over Bolton's mustache. He perceived the rise as a function of a falling dollar, which is a thumbs down on America's declining status and crumbling balance sheet. Following Bolton on Cavuto's show was fellow C-lister Dick Morris, who never gets anything right, so who cares what the thinks about anything?

Read more at VanityFair.com.