6.6.06 - The beast really does speak

Creature told me to take the Ann Coulter story. He says I "do crazy well", whatever that means. So I've been puzzling over this for the last 10 hours, trying to keep my supper down while finding a good angle from which to approach this. You'd think it would be easy to come up with something informative or entertaining about Satan's bride of infinite hate and an even more expansive adam's apple, but it hasn't been.

Basically, there are two problems with this story for me. First is that it's already been blogged to death very, very well. Shake's Sis puts in her two cents. First with maybe the funniest opening line I've ever read:

Ann Coulter is already widely regarded as the heinous high priestess of screeching hyperbole, whose natural habitat is the nearest studio chair on a right-wing cable hatefest, from whence she spews her bile-rich nuggets of insane vitriol like a mama bird projectile vomiting chunks of hate fuel to nourish her babies, as they sit, gape-mouthed and wanting, waiting for their vile supper on couches in front of tellies across the nation.

Then she quite appropriately points out that Officer Anchorbaby will certainly quell this disturbance to keep the blogospherian peace. Another insightful comment is provided by Brad who points out that NBC should be held accountable for allowing this hate speech to be spewed out to America. Even Capt. Ed weighs in with his disgust for the Republicans' favorite pre-op. And this is just genius!

But many entries today seem to be in the same trap as me. They huff and puff and struggle to put into words the incredulity that washes over them when they hear Coulter speak. In the end, they're reduced to quoting the interview and saying things like "Wow. Does it get more insensitive than that?" And I'm not dissing my fellow boatmates by saying that. It takes a tough man to tenderize that bird.

That leads me to the second and larger problem of writing about Coulter. The things that she says have gone beyond the realm of any reasonable discourse. Listening to her speak fills me with a sublime wonder at how any reasonably intelligent human being could go where she does on a regular basis. Does she ever feel clean deep down inside? Does she ever feel like she's making the world a better place? Is she looking forward to what she believes will be her judgment day without any anxiety whatsoever? I just can't imagine how.

And how do you work with someone like that? If she were in the penal system I believe she would be designated as not able to be rehabilitated, recalcitrant, and a menace to society. They give up on people like that, and we should too at this point. It's become utterly apparent that no amount of intelligent or reasonable rebuttal will ease her need to mainline her next hate-fix. But if she is forced to use by herself without anyone satisfying her Aryan exhibitionist cravings, maybe the highs won't be as strong. Of course, she'll work harder to achieve that next buzz, as all good addicts do, but I think after enough attempts end in disappointment, she'll start to be weaned off the junk.

And if we do that, maybe we will be making the world a better place. Not kittens and sunshine better, just more tolerable and tolerant better.

And, since I'm obligated to quote something from the interview, let me choose the closing in which Matt Lauer spits out the following line as if his mouth is awash with shit:

The book is called Godless: The Church of Liberalism. Ann Coulter, always fun to have you.

Yep, always fun to have her.