CorrUPtDATE - Our Lord has spoken

I need your help: the Lord just appeared to me in my tuna fish sandwich. My camera wasn't charged or I would have totally taken a picture. He told me that He is "goddamned tired" of Rev. O'Neal Dozier not listening clearly. He admitted that He had visited Dozier and given him a message to pass on. Here's approximately how our conversation went:

Lord: You put too much mayo on that - you've got a heart condition you know.

Me: Jesus Christ! What are you doing on my sandwich?

Lord: I'll pretend you were addressing me and not cussing... I need you to pass on some important information. And would it kill you to wipe your mouth while I'm here?

Me: (wiping) I'm sorry sir. What can I do for you?

Lord: You know that waste of time blog you're always trying to write something interesting for? I've got a scoop for you. I went to talk to O'Neal Dozier and... by the way, what's with the name "O'Neal Dozier"? Sounds like a tired Irish Catholic during Sunday Mass, doesn't it?

Me: ....

Lord: Ya know, Kneeling Irish - O'Neal? Dozier - Dozer? Keep up with me chucklehead!

Me: Yes sir. I'm not sure I've heard of him.

Lord: Well, you always act like you know everything.

Me: I've been working on that.

Lord: Yeah - back to business - I told this guy that his buddy Charlie Crist would not be the next Governor of Florida, but Neely Dozer was so worked up over my appearance he wasn't really listening. Plus I think I smelled a hint of brandy or whiskey or something on his breath. Not really sure, I don't touch the stuff.

Me: blarghmmph

Lord: Don't talk to Me with your mouth full.

Me: (swallowing) I'm sorry sir.

Lord: Ok, look - I have more important things to do than jabberjaw with you, but I need somebody to pass this on. Everytime I tell Neely something, he gets it all wrong and I am so goddamned tired of repeating myself to him. You'll get this message out, won't you?

Me: Absolutely sir, whatever you want.

Lord: I mean, why would Neely even think that? Charlie Crist!! A little too rich, don't you think? Plus the guy looks a lot like Leslie Nielsen and Florida politics are already too much like a bumbling slapstick comedy.

Me: I would never disagree with you sir.

Lord: Good! Also - try a situp or two, fatass.

And then he was gone. It all happened so fast I almost didn't know what happened. My dogs were still sitting there like nothing happened. I finished my sandwich and then came in to my office to record this and spread the word.

The other thing I learned is that while He is a loving God, it's a "tough love" sort of love.