Jerry, Jerry, Jerry

The real news, is old news this Saturday morning. You all already know how Bush threw his base a bit of red meat yesterday by declaring: "This is America damn it, speak (or sing) English." There is no news more passe, more yesterday, than Rush turning himself in and then walking right back out. Stale is the news that Iran and the U.S. continue on a collision course. Oh, and, a terror-guy is beating his chest again about the downfall of America. All this you know. So, I bring you porn, gangsta rap, and the secret lives of older folks.

A 62-year-old retired schoolteacher is fighting with a cable company over a hefty bill for porn and gangsta rap programming she says she never ordered.

Of course, our retired schoolteacher, Claudia Lee, denies it all. Personally, I'm not so sure. The cable company is looking into it, but they say someone in the house did order 1,431 bucks worth of reach-arounds and drive-by-lyrics. Could it have been, oh, maybe, grandma?

Lee said the only regular visitor to her house is her 81-year-old mother, "and I don't think she wants to watch porn."

I'm with the cable company on this one. Come on, I can't be the only one who saw Springer's special: "Help, my Grandma's Addicted to Porn."

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