I Don't Even Know Where to Begin

"Hi, I'm fucking nutbag Tony Zirkle and I approve this message."

From the Department of You Have to See It to Believe It, Republican candidate for Indiana's 2nd congressional district Tony Zirkle has given one of the most astoundingly jaw-dropping interviews I have ever seen to the South Bend Tribune. In this interview Mullah Zirkle rages on about the porn-pimp, child pornography, rape, sexual slavery and human trafficking industry and details his plan to rein it in. He presents a 4 step plan that includes the suspension of constitutional protections, "super speedy public trials with severe punishment that is swiftly carried out after a rapid appeal," and the return of the guillotine and lynch mobs. He was kind enough to fall short of drawing and quartering suspected criminals as well as burning them at the stake, but he might be saving those for a debate or something.

He also uses the term "Adultery Book Store." How cute.

Then you can go over to his website to see his rantings for real. This is my favorite and sorry for posting the whole paragraph, but it's really pure gold:

The great battles and wars ahead will revolve around both scarce energy and philosophy/theology. We can limit our exposure to the first risk by technological development; however, we can not have peace by ignoring the role of religion in politics while some in the Islamic "east" are deceived into believing that "martyr" murdering innocent civilians gives them a "do-not-pass-go-and-do-not-collect-$200" ticket to paradise where they will commit infinite adultery at a rate far greater than the American entertainment and athlete "celebrity" nobility. Conversely, shall we in the American West allow the First Amendment to be perverted into a systematic blood-letting suicide pact by giving a pass to the apostate Jewish porn-prostitution business and the Christian harlot "actors" who are transforming our children into a mass of self-abusing veuyers with a STD rate of 50% by the age of 25 on our route to the #1 contender for repeating, on the literal level of interpretation, what the apocalyptic "Babylon" did in "ma[king] all nations drink the wine of the wrath of her fornication" ("porn" in Greek). Rev. 14:8. KJV.

Seriously - now you understand the title of my post. Do I start with the mistaken statement that "do-not-pass-go-and-do-not-collect-$200" is going to jail in Monopoly, and Islamic martyrs hardly believe they are going to jail? Do I discuss the "apostate Jewish porn-prostitution business" and whether or not I'm sure that the porn industry is not soley controlled by Jews? Do I discuss the use of the non-word "veuyers" or his repeated use (he seemed to have missed making that mistake in this paragraph) of "noone" meaning "no one"? How about whether or not "fornication" literally translates to "porn" in Greek? Maybe I should address the fact that not even close to 50% of our children get an STD by the age of 25 and ask him where he gets his numbers? Or even just shoot for the big picture of exactly what the hell is he saying here?

Naw - just look at him and his twitching eye. It's probably better not to disturb him. I should hide the sharp and/or shiny objects.

Here's another of my favorite sentences:

Shall we consume our political debate with prioritizing fighting over day-light savings and toll road leasing or should we defend what even the pagan Cicero called the "first bond of society," marriage, by slam dunking, what has almost always historically been and still remains today, the truly ultimate WMD-the neo-Mammon/Caanan-Baal porn-prostitution cults-that produced about 100,000 Web sites linked to child porn by 2001, according to the U.S. Customs Department, and by lifting the burdens of the workers of the world who are definitely not united?

Gah? Shouldn't he be in front of a Piggly Wiggly campaigning for LaRouche or something?

So, how much you wanna bet this guy has some seriously interesting dirt to dig up? Like a molestation incident or a proclivity to dress like a squirrel or something very "Clay Bertrand Shaw?" You can ask him yourself. "Should you have any questions, please do not hesitate to contact me on my cell phone at (219) 308-1673."