State of the Day: corrUPtDATE

Hey Kids! You may have missed it, but apparently King George gave a us all a little talking to last night. Here's of rendition of his SOTU in haiku format, almost paragraph by paragraph.

Remember - haikus can be 5-7-5 or 5-5-7. And you can play along at home by sending in your own interpretations.

This is best read with the text of the SOTU right next to it. Go here for that.

SOTU opens
With the easy King reference
we like black people

Humbled to serve you
let's keep the discourse civil
unless you dems win

Our isolation
ends in danger so be scared!
just say no to that

Abroad - noble goals
we want to end tyranny
look out middle east

Advance of freedom
from twelve to hundred twenty two
go to hell Hamas

Radical Islam
I forgot about bin Laden
makes me pee myself

We love our freedom
all will fight to maintain it
except my daughters

Let's attack Islam
better to fight them abroad
they're in the last throes

We saved liberty
in France and Spain and Belgium
please help - send some troops

Afghan insurgents
Karzai confined to palace
mission accomplished

Continuing efforts
at reconstruction
what costs absolutely zip?

Iraq democracy
greeted as liberators
ignore Bob Woodruff

The troops stay until
victory brings them all home
unless they die first

Congress's counsel
I seek it unless you
don't agree with me

Hindsight not wisdom
and do not second-guess me
fuck yourself Murtha

We have a duty
to speak with total candor
except under oath

I'll get personal
mention a dead marine
good for the ratings

We honor brave troops
and military families
except in Crawford

Defeat terrorists
offer alternative hope
reject all truces

Rest of Middle East
they offered bullshit changes
I fell for them all

Iran is now held
hostage by religious nuts
sounds like the US

I speak to Iran
directly; tried with Iraq but
they have no power

To the down-trodden
we will spread freedom to all
our bombs will find you

Our culture of life
executed so many
then we were for it

Booga booga boo!
Osama is nailing your wife
booga booga boo!

September one one
drink! all you playing at home
you waited so long

NSA spying
I break the law when I want
and blame Bill Clinton

Economy great!
Create jobs at record pace
five dollars per hour

I warn of stagnate
fiscal ruin impending
trust me - I know bad

I shape agenda
Raising standards of living
for my wealthy friends

Recent Tax Relief
lets people keep their money
and debt for our kids

Our Social Programs
Cut the discretionary
Let them get fourth jobs

Social Sec. program
I haven't forgotten you
pilfering begins

Opening markets
need to solve trade imbalance
Singing Basses for all!

Now immigration:
We have needs that must be filled
my floors need washing

Health Care Reformer
If you're already insured
You're not up shit's creek

Addicted to oil
We're losing bad in Iraq
Find a different fuel

Edumacation
We propose new school program
Funded by bake sales

Strive for compassion
Measure of society
Just kidding, New Orleans

Will quote social gains
based on sketchy arguments
my leadership rulz!

Many deep concerns
Congress's ethical scandals
nothing to see here

Supreme Court (in)justice
soon women won't vote or drive
kiss my ass, Kerry

Ethical science
human-animal hybrids?
did way too much acid

I make this pledge now
we will reform our ethics
(my fingers are crossed)

We rebuild the gulf
help out those in many ways
who we didn't kill

As for HIV
we'll make new funding
I'm looking at you, black folks

My judge: History
mention Lincoln, King, Europe
oh man, am I screwed

May God bless us all
as long as you believe in
the State Sponsored God