Morning Fun with Two and a Half Men

The State has a secret, so please keep this between us: we watch Two and a Half Men (CBS Mondays at 9:00). The State just loves to giggle like a schoolgirl during recess. Don't judge us. Now that this is out in the open we can talk about today's Morning Fun. If you have watched the show, or perhaps you once watched Dharma & Greg, then you know producer Chuck Lorre puts up vanity cards at the end of each episode. They usually go by too fast to read and The State's office Betamax is broken. Well last night we got smart and realized that these vanity cards are probably on the Internets, and they are. So sit back, relax, and there is no need to press pause. It's time for Morning Fun, right now, with Chuck Lorre.

CHUCK LORRE PRODUCTIONS, #147
WARNING TO MALE VIEWERS!
Despite the comic conceit of tonight's episode, ingesting "semi-lethal quantities of alcohol" in order to overcome the deep-seated fear that women will reject you, is a terrible idea. We, the producers of Two and a Half Men, do NOT recommend it. If you are struggling with this fear we strongly urge you to seek healthier solutions. A few to consider are: Becoming handsome. Becoming rich. Becoming a famous musician, actor, writer, director or artist. Becoming a famous athlete. Becoming a brooding loser who is also handsome. Becoming funny. Becoming thin. Becoming old. Becoming apathetic. Becoming a woman. Becoming a college professor. Becoming a religious leader. Becoming psychotic (this allows one to achieve the steely confidence bestowed by alcohol, but without the attendant liver damage). Having really big muscles and hanging around simple women. Having drugs and hanging around women who are addicted to them. Having food and hanging around hungry women. Having the inner joy that comes from knowing you're a one-of-a-kind miracle of creation, and that even if women reject you, you are still a beloved child of God... you just ain't gettin' laid tonight.

And for those of you still judging The State on its choice of television, consider the fact that the religious right wing Parents Television Council rates Two and a Half Men a big red stop light. Here's what they have to say:

The content on Two and a Half men is not appropriate for children of any age. Language in this series is rated yellow and includes “hell”, “bastard”, “crap”, and “bitch”. Far worse than the frequent use of foul language is the constant barrage of sexual scenes and jokes. Charlie’s character is incredibly promiscuous and it is depicted as funny when he uses women for sex and doesn’t maintain meaningful relationships with any of them. Some outrageous scenes have included Charlie getting sexually pleasured under a table at a court deposition and turning Alan’s chiropractic practice into a kinky massage parlor.

Bastards, read more of their funny reviews. For repressed people they sure like to talk dirty.

Serious Stuff, later.