Morning Fun with The Onion

Now that Cyber Monday has come and gone The State would like to remind you that those purchases you made from the comfort of your desk can also be shipped and returned via your office mailroom. Remember workers, the post office is for losers without jobs. Sit back, relax, and set your voicemail to away, it's time for Morning Fun, right now, with The Onion.

Bush To Increase Funding For Hope-Based Initiatives
WASHINGTON—President Bush announced today that he will sign a bill providing an additional $2.8 billion for private organizations that emphasize the importance of hoping for change.

"This bill acknowledges the immeasurable role of hope in envisioning a better world for everyone," Bush said during a press conference. "Starting today, I ask all Americans to hope together as one nation that the difficult problems that grip our nation will go away someday."

"As your president, I have seen firsthand what hoping can do," he said. "I have heard stories of decent people trapped under piles of rubble, and I have hoped that they would be rescued. And eventually, many were. Recently, powerful storms and destructive hurricanes ravaged some of our great cities. I hope that you will join me in wishing that we do not get hit by any more of those."

Serious Stuff, later.